One-liners are cool, if well timed and well delivered. You want to be a real cool guy, Vin? Be cool, don’t rub it in our faces. We turned off the movie right after he saw his rich hacker friend Ainsley, who gave him a night of sex with her group of girlfriends. Xander performs mindblowing stunts to bring a soccer match to his poor neighbours, has sex with random girls, and spots all the CIA agents trying to capture him with an ease and observational prowess not even Sherlock Holmes could master. XXX: return of Xander Cage is just as bad. In the last Riddick movie, Vin Diesel sets his own broken leg, rides a flying motor cycle, and to top it off: he ‘converts’ a lesbian (I wish I was kidding). Kaulder has the fantasy equivalent of a Q arsenal and big manly sword. I don’t know if it’s the writers or Diesel who add tired clichés to try to make the main characters more manly. Unfortunately, they’re all wanna-be James Bond characters who just don’t have what it takes. Kaulder from the Last Witch Hunter is somewhere in between. Xander Cage is like Riddick with a flippant sense of humor. However, he’s not the greatest actor there ever was. He’s apparently a nice guy in real life too.

I like that he fought for a third Riddick movie, and made The Last Witch Hunter. He sets up a crew of his own and takes on the enemy. The box is stolen from the CIA by a crew of villains, and Xander – who tried to fake his own death and has been living on the run – is brought in to deal with the problem. The plot is simple: a group of hackers develops a box that can disrupt satellites, crashing them into cities. So, Hollywood returned to the franchise’s roots for this third XXX movie, and Vin Diesel returns as the titular Xander Cage. Unfortunately, Vin Diesel couldn’t make it so Ice Cube took over.

It was called XXX.īecause franchises make da money, somebody decided a second XXX was a good idea. That movie starred Vin Diesel, featured an excellent soundtrack with one of my favorite Rammstein songs ‘Feuer Frei’.

Once upon a time in the early noughties, there was a movie about an extreme sports practitioner who got roped into being a spy for the NSA. I rarely turn off movies halfway through, but me and a group of my friends couldn’t take any more of ‘XXX: return of Xander Cage’ after about 30 minutes.

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